CEE…

The stated goal was to finish out the year 2018 with five consecutive days completing 1000+ pushups, but because of injury, training suffered, and 1000 pushup requirement does not happen without planing. I was able to start 2019 with five days having completed 1000+ pushups daily.

Day 1: 0900-0954 I completed 75 sets of eight pushups.

1015-1056 I completed 50 sets of eight pushups.

Day 2: 0730-0815 50 sets of eight pushups

0840-0900 20 sets of eight pushups

0935-1025 55 sets of eight pushups

Day 3: 0816-0926 75 sets of eight pushups

1001-1039 50 sets of eight pushups

Day 4: 0831-1047 125 sets of eight pushups

Day 5: 0759-0958 125 sets of eight pushups.

The number 1000 has meant a dedication to accomplishing certain task. For the calendar year 2016 I would complete 1000 weekly pushups for the year; concluding the year with many pushups, while amassing fewer hours to complete the routine. Training for all of 2017 and at the start of 2018 produced the ability to transition from completing 1000 pushups within 168 hours, to, in February 2018, completing 1000 pushups within 2 hours. After training most of 2018, within the month of November I was able to produce a routine of 959 pushups and 959 sit-ups; done in 2.5 hours. The idea of reducing the time needed to preform the task of 1000 pushups by 99%, and the inclusion of an equal number of sit-ups, is remarkable!

Because of a desire for normalcy, which was in contention with the inadequacies associated with being selfish, I started exercise as a means to that end. Walking was physical activity commensurate with abilities. When I would walk I was retraining the muscles that were damaged as a result of being hit by a car. After walking a great deal, a decade (99′-09′), I would monitor the distance traveled, and would observe that I walked 1000 miles every sixteen months; a decade (09′-19′) after that, the period of time is five months!

Where do I go from there, right? Dismay is for cowards; I will masturbate 1000 times in a year’s time. Which is reason for the past behavior; for the past four years I have produced an annual fap number. The daily average has been above two that whole time, and producing 1000 times meant an increase in the daily average by five-tenths. Deciding to monitor the progress of the activity was made after recalling that as a child I would skip middle school and masturbate six or ten times; if only to perform the activity multiple times thinking, what a superhuman task this is!

I think the parallels are numerous regarding the pursuit to complete 1000 pushups within a shorter period of time, to walk 1000 miles in a shorter period of time, and to masturbate 1000 times annually; all goals require a level of dedication rarely seen.

It, now takes me more time, not less, and is regarded as routine-like; 1000/annual is approaching organization. The physical activity of a pushup and the distance traveled while walking were able to establish efficacy with duration of performance; whereas masturbation erases any efficiency garnered through repetition!

Nervous energy? Nope, stress-free; although I spend mAh time, completing a walk, completing a work-shift, completing a workout session, or amassing a certain annual fap number! Having a positive effect on the annual fap total was a routine of masturbating twice after arriving home from work. Recently I have been without the strength to remain standing for that long after work.

One must consider the feats of physical endurance, the mileage on mAh shoes, and the self-pleasure as characteristics of personality. It is hard to believe one of those example’s is true, but to have one guy simultaneously accomplishing all three, wtf?

But I digress, for the year I will have accomplished very little in the way of mental growth; I started the year with a claim of having no class, and I am ending the year with a metaphor, like school on Sunday’s! But for finding a deeper appreciation for life, I have been successful.

It took meaningful interaction with colleagues at work that has had an educational value. The value I garner from having exhibited a performance that can only be described as, having done the job of three men, is sufficient.

I bend-over and pick up the penny not because I am without, but because I am acknowledging opportunity.

As the man wished the two of us , “a good day”; “same” would be the elder’s response, mine was different, “maybe I do not want to have a good day”, and with that I was reminded of the difference in upbringing the two of us had. My father has not dealt with the same experiences as I, and the reverse is true.

Shit rolls down hill. And being a 44 year old dishwasher, I have eaten shit, always from an old white male; so, I will not allow an influence regarding my day.

I grew-up hanging-out with the urban kids, because relatable sense of crazy with the same religion. As a common remembrance of my upbringing the middle school i attended planed a trip to Philly right before graduation. It was convenient all the male minority kids, and I fit into one group. Chaperone? “Ain’t no parent gonna take a group of kids to Philly”. Tony was the custodial champion of the school, and he would be the guy.

I think we stood in line to get in the first museum to long because after that we never stood in line for a museum again¡ That would unlock the time needed to visit all the places that are relevant to Philly’s red light district, or the one’s necessary to find one’s way to the pussy. Good times, no fuks¡

I will attribute the easy as she goes approach to mental stability.

Chatter in the Skull:

This is comparable to daily forethought but the idea of fulfilling the activity connected with thought must pass through many filters before action. Along that pathway there are many times to conclude aversion; as if there is a desire to talk; if one ponders long the conversation evaporates.

I would take December off from walking activities, and the like for reasons of concentration and focus. I plan on making changes.

I had planed on making changes at the start of the year, but I am less than 40 minutes into this year when the change concerning behavior did not happen. 1/1, and now I am ’bout eight hours early for the sto; which would be considered a renege of a proposed behavioral change. After the year that was had I understand certain activities preclude one from other activities. The two activities are detrimental to a prosperous environment because of the time consumed. So, this year I will plan for occasions that meet desires.

To start my story one must understand that to believe unique-ness is absurd; everyone has the potential to work as hard¿ Gratitude, the wit to never be a follower¡

Writing will be a savior of mental stability.

The road to entitlement is littered with disappointment; and so realization brings a sole perspective to most problems. As one who would reside payday to payday, with only having gone from weekly to bi-weekly, the proverbial latter to success still has levels. An animosity has been woven into the fabric of my immediate community, and the law of attraction has not been kind¡ Because of the success I have managed to walk, some feel I hold a secret; but the harsh reality is I did become aware of the influence of money early in life, and now I choose to be a bottom feeder. All I ask is play it straight!

As a member of the community does not include picking shit-up, as other members choose to make life difficult.

As a member of the immediate family does not involve a daily reduction in stature.

Being forgetful is evident in the inability to prepare Thanksgiving dinner after picking it up from the store, and, it having come with instructions.

After making a list of needed strategies for success, the chef was to read and conclude number one was important, follow instructions precisely; one witnessed a review of instructions and trouble in preparation was had. I noticed the problem and then I would alert others to the fact, but I was received as a critic, and unwelcome. I had noticed the problem with the small dishes, and knew it would translate to the turkey. The turkey was not heated long enough when an assumption was made. After a review of instruction one does not assume, they fail. And this guy is so dense that he can not recognize help; because I have help so often that an animosity has established with everything.

I will watch a person fail many times before I speak-up; a schadenfreude sense. With that I kept quite knowing that behavior translates to other endeavors.

The ways are many but three specific ones; why does work get all the energy, why do curse words litter the sentence, why does one perceive, pawns?

Work is where I find peace; I will dissect a problem to finality, or least until I understand how to build the process from start to finish. Each event is looked at on my level, and I proceed from there.

I was introduced to a language early, and to receive criticism from the teacher is absurd.

As I look to have another person clean follows the line of education the teacher imposed on me. The teacher was to want others to do their job as a teacher, but that would have unintended consequences whereby the child learned how to manipulate others to fulfill desires.

When one is subverted from an area of focus, the conclusion can be unintended. The holiday’s are rife with examples, it is where fake prevails; never-mind the story¿

If not for amusement then I would consider influence by a brother. I would recall the event with a profound thought of release before the fall. When gravity takes course one is currently falling, chute or not. From there, the costly demise of circumstance was not considered when focused on achievement. Once the family moved to the country the curiosity between boys and guns would surface. There was a gun range locally, but we took guns there; which meant that the guns were home when we were. After hang’in with snoopy for a minute, my brother and I were playing with guns at home. There was a specific time playing with guns came as a lesson. My brother and I had started the safety aspect of our education at the gun range. The two of us were shoot’in shit out a second story window overlooking the backyard. So there was a rapid fire aspect to practice; I would load the clips and he would unload them. After the conclusion of a string of bullets, he would point the gun at my chest, but not depress the trigger because of the safety of treating all guns as if they are loaded. Pointing the gun to the outside environment and depressing the trigger only to hear the firing-pin make contact with the bolt. BANG; was the sound heard. The loudness of a gun gun going off in a small room, was deafened by guilty experience of decision.

That was not the last time influence would propel actions, and I would presume influence was sincere because survival. Upon reflection many events could have affected my lifestyle more. Many events had occurred whereby the outcome remained fortunate. The, being struck by a car, was a culmination of all the good karma exercised at once; cash’in all the chips. I was working construction, and it had been a month into the job. I was relatively tone in physique, but nothing would prepare me for the next obstacle in life. I had friends from the area of home come out of town and work along side me on the site. Maybe the second or third work week accompanied by a helper, did I find myself, having been asked to leave the bar for disorderly conduct, matching wits with the helper outside in the street. The period of time was measured in minutes, or until we both had made it to the middle of the fuking street. The first of a two car caravan would drive around; the next car was unable to stop or swerve in time. The car’s bumper would make contact with my head as I lay horizontal to the ground; having placed the helper in a headlock. It was 4500 pounds traveling at 45 miles per hour; mf knocked me out cold for sixteen days. Sure I broke bones, and I had a punctured lung as well; but as for the pain of a healing process? That mf done when I came out the coma. Fortunate!

Again, after the accident the outcome has been nothing but spectacular, and with the effort regarding pursuits, will continue as such.

Fishing with Father

It was a ritual, breakfast on saturday, the family was there, and now that mom died it is sunday.

Every sunday I go fishing with my father, sometimes we are lucky, but most of the time not. It is on the way to breakfast that the speed limit minus five is comfortable to keep the record alive. A complete driving career, no speeding tickets. Speeding tickets are tax on the undisciplined, the lottery a tax on the disadvantaged, and the wealthy avoid tax at all cost.

There is correlation besides the necessary prefix needed to make the definition complete. Discipline will not provide for all that one desires, but without discipline one can lose everything. Literately walking proof.

Going fishing on sunday is testament to one’s desire to witness, but most of the time cause, distress in others. A schadenfreude sense of humor.

That is why I wonder the preparation for a family was not provided, because nothing kick you in the nuts like fatherhood. Passing on that stress has to be top-tier; which would have brought about much delight.

After a failed expedition I was told that a piece of information was understood by all but me and that the liberty was there to share, but was held from me. Then I was told it would be well I learn that.

Caesar only needed a knife, and that is why carry four¡

Maryland is a wonderful place. There being where I would evolve as someone who became loved by all with a superficial indifference, but also expendable at the same time. It was a minefield growing-up, but by performing at a high level I created a distraction. The distraction became synonymous with daily activities, and was soon replaced with normal behavior. I would perceive appointments to the necessary, arrive early every time, and fuk the rest.

Growing-up I was not disciplined by way of spanking, it was more of one-hit, wonder where that mf came from! That is, one sharp hit to the rear of the head, eliciting a headache for the next few hours. I proclaim that if it were not for the exercise my neck muscles endured, I would have been less prepared to absorb the impact of a Buick, twelve years later!

Many events had occurred whereby the outcome remained fortunate over the length of the twelve years. The accident was a culmination of all the good karma exercised at once; cash’in all the chips.

Again, after the accident the outcome has been nothing but spectacular, and with the effort regarding pursuits, will continue as such.

Brain injury begets brain injury; a snap-shot of my brain development. It is only through reflection that I may get the facts correct. But it is thru introspection that I remain skeptical; human behavior is more certain when observed as much.

To continue with a story, I would mature with the help from drugs. The connection was beneficial in a few ways. The reason for curiosity was brought about by a careless attitude, and unwavering demise. I was first attracted by profit, i stayed because infamous.

We, as humans can cause the demise of anything; environment, budget, government. The events that took place in and around Washington DC were wrong on some level but where¿ The fuking cops could not find it either. It must revolve around the simple premise of have’s and have-not’s. The have-not’s are slave to the dollar; whereby the obtainable is payed-for or looted-for. The have’s are only slave to laws and desire. I speak knowing the influence of crowd mentality, I was in my first riot at fifteen, and grew-up in the country. Some say traveler, but I think area man.

The search for identity took me to hazardous areas. A desire for money was always an inspiration, and I was willing to go into a den of thieves to arrive at a better deal. The two proceeding facts seem shallow at most, but combined they will represent a demise of sorts. But if one is willing to step back and perceive the whole picture; man went to court, been on trial ever since.

As a youth I understood authority was providing options, and I found it less difficult to perceive the ends the same but reason to get there was done my way. One can ask me to do a task, or tell me how to do the task but not both.

In-combination was the recipe for the degradation of personality; and, with little to no oversight, shit would occur. I was attracted to the money, and I stayed infamous.

I have multiple addictions, along with multiple personalities, which goes along way to success or failure. The psychoactive properties of marijuana has one think different, and react a certain way.

The reaction is all I control.

It would be later that I would go my own way. But the ways of sustainability were themselves established

I became an advocate of my own destruction but I would remain unaware of the fall. I had it figured I would remain a dependent for life; now, to find a source commensurate with desires.

Because of a desire to keep all the money equivalent to a days work I moved away from paying taxes and from work in general; which had a secondary influence in duties performed. As a drop-out, disabled, convict made that decision with little input.

As I reflect I grow more understanding for the distance with all relationships. Distance is the greatest insulator.

Family tries to remind me they have paper assets, and I do not;

I remind I am not for sale. A struggle at best, and social distance at worse.

So, I just left the location where I was growing pot. I left there with a few ounces, but I had no destination. The situation had magnified in stress by a magnitude of one; I was on probation for burglary, and at the start of the weekend, while drunk, I ran mAh car in the back of a parked truck.

The DWI would now violate the terms of probation and the situation snowballed from there, and one can only ski downhill. I was hit’in the slopes latter in the day. I ended up picking a girl up on the street, and then play’in chef at her place that night. Only to be distracted and robed by her roommates. I no longer had a few ounces.

Shit was going bad and I needed an out, but I could not even surface. As a thief I would normally leave an out to all; the “all” had now encapsulated more than mAh simple brain was able to manage.

I went to jail for the violation, before the accident only to enjoy release for three months before being struck by the car. This is what the accident was able to end; but begin the next chapter. I was on probation for a DWI, and was struck a car, driven by a drunk. Even now many years after the accident I was able to get a third DWI, I was able to become a resident at the city, and county jails.

The prospect of me not being able to mount an immunity is my fault. Sleep with the wolves¡

…lost both cell phones, and my job.

Hit’in the climb-up hard; I have a daily average of 3.3; eight days left in January. At this rate I can sit on my ass for the last two months, but I will not. I made it a point to pleasure myself and exercise everyday; I now can fap over 1000 times a year, walk 1000 miles every four months, and do 1000 pushups weekly.

The first quarter is coming to an end; i started the year on an increased pace as stated, but i was soon to fall off; finishing the quarter with an average of 2.3. After the eight days i went on vacation¡

I am marking a total the first third of the year, a total past due along progression to 1000¡ The idea of creating problems for the future me is concerning. It is late concern. Maybe the concern is not valid, because I started coming from behind in most pursuits since I left school. The truth will set free; not on the resume though¿

This morning was a superb example of why I am concerned with how the street perceives me. As I grew-up I was required to rely on the street for support, as a pharmaceutical rep in the area. Play’in the waiting game with the stimmy.

Rewind that mf back to filing tax. Because of a miss calculation I was forecast to receive monies totaling more, as ssi puts it, resources than necessary. I would then spend down savings, pay-off credit, and fulfill the requirement to buyout a contract; thus arriving at $0.78 and $0.73 at the bank, and within, resource necessary. The tax return was postponed by the irs because the irs discovered the miscalculation, and it is because deposits did not align with spending that I find myself without paper assets. The $ was leaving the account as quick as the date of deposit.

The period of time was also littered with blessings in the way of stimulus; which by all standards were early at start, but the third of three stimulus checks, has been untimely. But that has more to do with the current spending habits; that money should be used to remain in the black regarding the monthly invoice; except I become the bottom line. When stay within a narrow window, ssi resource limit, I will manage wants and needs, with net income, precisely. But sometimes I fall of the cliff, and sadly does nothing to deter future behavior.

Yo, idk at all¿

I made the comment about insufficient funds penalty, and how the prospect with a fifteen day grace associated with a loan was a way to curtail the ignorant into a fee; but i digress.

So, on my way walking past the bank today did I realize that MemorialDay weekend takes place the last weekend in May. The Fed knowing of celebratory rigor that is custom to all military holidays, will seek a desired outcome; which would make for the perfect storm. The Fed makes welfare monies hit early by a few days, and errybody having a cookout¡

I hit the bank for a balance request, $.34 and $.38 was the expected. The $.34 on-time, but the $.38 had $1,875.97. You ain’t ly’in, fuk’in double-take, walked out the bank, came back, and printed a receipt¡

As stated, I can put my financial adviser hat on, normally i will not but the notion of a more responsible lifestyle is customary of a person of mAh stature and smarts. The bank did not let me enjoy life for a minute without charge, the Fed calls it inflation¡

A few reasons if i must answer; I keep my testicles dry; so, if i dry fuk, its pull and pray plus. I fap so often (2020/1033fap) that it does not shoot far and the vacuum is never a problem because I live in the future. Practice, practice, practice, for there is a waning¿ As a quick way to cool off; also the pituitary gland will regulate testosterone production, which is correlated with the testosterone release upon ejaculation. Testosterone not the only chemical released, got endothelial NO synthase with a short refractory¿

I know that as a result of injury I did have a less developed right side, the car’s bumper making impact to the right side of the head. Which by itself is strange in that most head trauma effecting the right side will produce affliction on the left side of the body; the opposite is true. The car would assault the right side of the skull, but the connection between the brain and spinal chord, the brain stem, was where the trauma became centralized; that is what made the respirator necessary for seven days.

Leaving the hospital I had a limp to the right side December ’99. Twenty years later and there is no limp, the result of much walking, and i masturbate daily; which releases chemicals necessary for muscle rehabilitation within the spine, and shoulders.

Because of the lifestyle do i walk everywhere, and I proclaim, Forest Gump! Some in the city find humor in that because of Forest’s lack of understanding. I say it is their lack of understanding in the commercialism¡

All that to become left the fuk alone! Hail America.

When is it alright to ask for money¿

Never; the answer is never¡ The local radio station now will shorten the charity drive as the contribution level maintains a certain level. Implying that each contribution arrives with emotion attached, and most often that emotion is a negative; of-course the emotion has the possibility of turning for the better. How, by shortening the negative aspect of a charity drive? Which, by all standards, constitutes the entirety¡

It takes a village, has a particular meaning that I would otherwise not kno unless I was hit by a car. In-that, i am cognizant of mannerism from others directed towards me. That sensitivity has to do with re-learning behavioral cues everybody uses to communicate. There remains much trial and error in understanding; but it was twenty-three years that needed to be relived. This october will bring in twenty-two; ’bout there¡ Part of understanding is discovery of the line. The line between humor and disrespect. I am told that sometimes I am too understanding, and I over-look disrespect; either by laughing or capitulating. Much humor is found at my expense; its that one is laughing at the complexity or monotony of the task I am willing to undertake, or I am laughing. Having laughter as part of a day is essential to a rich life. But both are signs of a lack of understanding. Understanding life is hard, and that it kills most of us; but while here some of us are able to put in the hours needed to achieve greatness!

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